I Miss Us

I miss us, when you're my only baby
Our full attention is on you
All eyes on you in every single milestone you take

I miss us, when you cry
All of us run only to you
When we go to mall, we only have to buy 1 toy
No one will be jealous

I miss us, when we read books before sleeping
When we play in our house
There's only one little boy running

I miss us, when we travel
I only have to pack things for 1 baby
We can always travel together

Looking at you now
Wearing school uniform
Trying to do things on your own
You're a kid already
Yet for me, you're still my baby

Now I understand,
There's really a special bond for each child with his mommy
Now you're a 'kuya', yet still for me,
You're still my baby, my first baby
And nothing will change that

Thank you for helping me
Taking care of our bunso
Always bringing laughter in our house
Yes I miss us, but I'll never exchange for anything
The joy I have, for having my own two adorable boys

Thank You Lord!

Two Months

I feel so alone... But I know I'm not literally alone...

I'm a stay at home mom now for 2 months. I resigned from my 9-year job. There are days that I feel physically drained yet fulfilled. But sometimes, I asked, is this really His plan for me, for us?

I'm grateful for my very supportive husband, he knows I love cooking, want to learn baking and want to have my own business. We want to save for it that's why we both work full time. But observing my 6-year old firstborn's attitude, I feel guilty at the same time frustrated. Am I selfish mother? Am I a bad mother? Do I'm giving him enough love, guidance, time? Do I'm giving him what he really needs?

Mon and I had a long talk about it. I told him all my frustrations at work. Sometimes I'm demotivated, easily get depressed, emotionally, mentally and physically tired. We spent almost a whole day (thanks to coffee shops) taking into considerations the pros and cons when I leave my work, jotting our action plans to cope up financially. Is it really worth it? Is it really worth the everyday-living-for-work than staying-at-home for my kids?

From there I quit. I quit my job. Will stay at home to focus on my kids, specially to my first born. As he need guidance in his schooling. I want to understand what's really going on. What's making him super hyper to the point he's not listening to his teacher anymore. And for my youngest of course. He's still a baby and I hope that he will 'relatch'. I'm only pumping my milk for him since he's 5 months old. He started to refuse my breast when I got back to work from my maternity leave.

And now, after two months, time for a reality - check.

Sa eskwelahan...

Nakakabagot, wala akong kausap, wala akong katabi
Ayaw ko namang lumipat at makipagkumpulan sa kanila
Di ko sila kilala,  close na ang ibang mga nanay,  classmates na rin sila
Masaya silang nag-kwekwentuhan
Iyan ang epekto ng isang "working mom" Bihirang makita sa school
Di kilala ng kapwa nanay
Walang katsismisan
Mabuti ba iyon o hindi?

Napakabagal ng oras
Bawat minuto ay nabibilang
Gamit na gamit ang cellphone
Mahirap magpanggap
Ayan may tumabi na sa akin
Paalam muna...

Oops, lumipat ng upuan
May nakitang kakilala
Naiwan nanaman akong magisa
Heto at humahaba  ang aking tula
30 minuto pa...

May lumabas ng estudyante
Tapos na siyang magexam
Sana'y anak ko na iyan
Nabuhayan ng dugo
Sa bandang kaliwa nagpunta
Hindi ko pala anak iyon

May tumabi na uli
May makakausap na sana
Ngunit naglabas din ng cellphone
Magpapanggap din pala
20 minuto pa...

10 minuto pa
At hayan na,  lumabas na ang aking anak
Nakangiti, tapos na sa kanyang exam
Umaasa akong tama ang kanyang mga sagot
Nawalang bigla ang aking inip

Who says breastmilk is free?

Few months before I give birth to my 2nd son,   I'm determine to EBF him as long as he wants! I had this regret -  that I just bf my first born for 2 1/2 months, when I go back to work,  I stop :(

Maybe one reason is lacked of information, so I keep myself informed and thanks to my friends' support, they even joined me to BF Pinay group  and I learned a lot.

I had this conversation with my brother, he asked me what 's the milk of my bunso (yes it's our bunso since I opted to tubal ligation already) then I said, he is breastfed and his reaction was "sabagay tipid iyan, libre pa..." Then I  go back to work and heard the same sentiments and I bet to disagree, libre nga ba?

1. I bought electric pump to ensure my milk supply even if I'm at work.  I just bought the single pump (cost less than double pump), but now I wish I just bought the double pump,  to save time (since I just had to squeeze my pumping time to  my break time)

2. Conventional bra is no good when I breastfeed baby,  so I bought a nursing bra.

3. Leaking breast is inevitable, I bought nursing pads,

4. I will carry my breastmilk from office to house, need to keep it cool.  I bought breastmilk storage bottles, insulated/cooler bag,  ice packs.

5. Sometimes our travel time is so long and my breasts are already full, need to pump while travelling.  I bought rechargeable batteries.

6. Oops, I need to cover while breastfeeding baby in public, I bought nursing covers (but this is good for about 3 months only, baby is irritated now when there 's cover haha)

7. I need to wear 2 clothes, sando inside and loose clothing on top (at least my top breast is still covered as well as my tummy when baby is drinking my milk) I bought nursing top and other loose blouse and padded sando

8. Need to clean everything before going to work, need to sterilize my pumping kit, bottkes and all.  I bought a sterilizer.

Now, who says it's free?

Update 10/2/2015

9. Need to boost my milk supply, specially when I'm stressed, I bought capsules (moringana, Natalac) to help boost my milk, oatmeal, oatmeal cookies and drink Milo haha (Milo everday!)

... on December 31, 2009 ...

~ original plan, but:

...'many are the plans in the man's heart, but its God's purpose that prevails...' (Proverbs 19:21)

The term blue moon is commonly used metaphorically to describe the rarity of an event, as in the saying "once in a blue moon".

A Blue Moon is commonly the name given to the second full moon in a month. Since a full moon occurs every 29 1/2 days, if there is a full moon on the 1st or 2nd day of a month, there is a good chance there will be a second full or blue moon that month.

The next blue Moon will happen on Dec. 31, 2009. The average interval between Full Moons is about 29.5 days, while the length of an average month is roughly 30.5 days.

Full moons were given names in folklore, twelve each year, corresponding to times of the year...

Wolf Moon             January 10

Snow Moon            February 9

Worm Moon           March 10

Pink Moon              April 9 - - - akalain mong may Pink moon pala 

Flower Moon          May 9

Strawberry Moon   June 7

Buck Moon          July 7

Sturgeon Moon    August 5 - - - wow birthday ko 

Corn Moon          September 4

Harvest Moon      October 4

Beaver Moon       November 2

Cold Moon  December 2

Blue Moon  December 31 - - - excited for this one 

Thanks hon , pag-pray natin hehe, i love you always